There is a momentary lapse from my positivity. This interval keeps broadening.
It is a perfectly layered stack of jabbing knives. I conquer one to feel another.
I feel a numbness, probably a defence mechanism to the run through that alerts me.
I juggle these knives on my chest to get chosen for the stab and not to have chosen it.
Perhaps being out there and hitting a wall has brought me home in many ways. Home as the epicentre of change in my thoughts, home as a haven, home to my own but not all in the best way.
I have become more pragmatic, I’ve lost the spontaneity. But that makes my decisions better thought too. There are instances where while I was so busy making an informed decision, it was too late.
It’s still the right way, I’ll learn.